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life_inshadowAfter her visit to Raven, Tara had spent most of the day lying in bed. She wasn't sad -- not exactly. But she was feeling very thoughtful and troubled and inside-her-head-y, and even the pleasures of the keep weren't enough to have her very social.
She kept coming back to two facts that didn't make much sense next to each other. One was that she'd killed. In self-defense, maybe, and not a human -- but there was still blood on her hands, and she felt guilt for that.
Yet, beneath that, she felt a yearning that she had been able to do more. Not more killing, of course -- but her shields were puny, her telekinesis weak, her offensive magic basically nonexistent. She knew she could do more, if she was brave enough to play with spells just a little further into the gray than she normally let herself go.
It was dangerous. She knew witches could get lost chasing the rush of strong magics. But she almost felt like it was hard to say it wasn't worth the risk, if it could save her friends.
[OOC: Open to those in Kaeleer. NFB. Part of this thing.]
She kept coming back to two facts that didn't make much sense next to each other. One was that she'd killed. In self-defense, maybe, and not a human -- but there was still blood on her hands, and she felt guilt for that.
Yet, beneath that, she felt a yearning that she had been able to do more. Not more killing, of course -- but her shields were puny, her telekinesis weak, her offensive magic basically nonexistent. She knew she could do more, if she was brave enough to play with spells just a little further into the gray than she normally let herself go.
It was dangerous. She knew witches could get lost chasing the rush of strong magics. But she almost felt like it was hard to say it wasn't worth the risk, if it could save her friends.
[OOC: Open to those in Kaeleer. NFB. Part of this thing.]
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Date: 2010-10-30 12:32 am (UTC)She shrugged a little. "I told her I felt safer with her than with almost anyone."
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Date: 2010-10-30 12:37 am (UTC)Thinking about 'the whole thing,' though, drew a slight shiver she couldn't hold back. "God." Kennedy rubbed at her arm again, like she still couldn't get rid of the feeling of something gross and sticky. "That was kind of terrifying, huh."
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Date: 2010-10-30 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-30 01:08 am (UTC)She fell silent for a moment before murmuring, "Please tell me you're gonna be okay?"
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Date: 2010-10-30 12:19 pm (UTC)She didn't answer the part about being okay, because she honestly wasn't sure.
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Date: 2010-10-30 01:25 pm (UTC)"If you don't think the answer is yes, I get it," she offered in a quiet voice.
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Date: 2010-10-30 03:03 pm (UTC)Equally quiet, she added, "Are you okay?"
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Date: 2010-10-30 03:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-30 03:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-30 03:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-30 11:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-31 12:12 am (UTC)"Well, for as much as normal applies when you have fronds like we do, we're gonna be fine." Maybe she could say it out loud a few more times? It was sort of convincing. "We're... just totally allowed a little breather before we start working on that."
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Date: 2010-10-31 12:35 am (UTC)She nodded, more enthusiastically than before. "Right," she said. "We can just go home and ... be normal. Normal, normal, normal. It'll help."
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Date: 2010-10-31 01:06 am (UTC)She took another breath then, impulsively, leaned in to kiss Tara. Call it gratitude or comfort or whatever, it just seemed like a necessary thing.
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Date: 2010-10-31 01:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-10-31 01:45 am (UTC)